I've always followed my heart instead of my head. I've always jumped, always took that leap of faith into the unknown,having no idea of what the outcome of my actions would be. But now, now it's so very clear. I need to stop following my heart.I just need to stop, before I do anything at all. I need to stop and think about it, about what I am about to do.I need to think about whether it is right or it is wrong. Because when you follow your heart, you lose track of what's right and what's wrong,
and it tears you apart.

"And the secret is, this will hurt less and less each time.
Until you can't feel a thing."

With my fingertips, I trace on your bare skin all of the things I'd like to say but cannot speak. You mean everything. There not quite words enough, to tell you all the things that you've become for me.

When you're stuck loving someone, all you wanna do is stay away. But, when that person shows even the smallest gesture of affection, all your efforts of moving on go down the drain.

"I do not want just a piece of you and a piece of your life. Even if you were able, which you are not, to give me the biggest piece, that is not what I want. I want all of you and every part of you and your day"

I have no idea how he knows when I need him. We can go weeks without speaking.
And then, when my blue moods threaten to turn black, he will show up and tell me my moods are
azure, indigo, cerulean, cobalt, periwinkle. And suddenly, the blue will not seem so dark,
more like the color of a noon-bright sky. He brings the sun.

I'm in one of those moods that nothing is really wrong in my life, but my brain keeps on insisting that there is. Or maybe it's my heart thats doing the insisting. I can't really tell. You know that feeling?

"Scarlet, before you go through this, I want to remind you of September 7th, 1988. It was the first time that I saw you. You were reading Less Than Zero, and you were wearing a Guns 'n' Roses t-shirt. I'd never seen anything so perfect. I remember thinking that I had to have you or I'd die. Then you whispered that you loved me at the homecoming dance, and I felt so peaceful and safe because I knew that no matter what happened, from that day on, nothing can ever be that bad because I had you. And then I, uh, I grew up and I lost my way. And I blamed you for my failures. And I know that you think you have to do this today, but I don't want you to. But I guess if I love you, I should let you move on."

"I'd give you my everything if you gave me yours. I know we tried this a few times, but that was before. I'm ready if you're ready, and I'm pretty sure I am. I'm waiting for you here, but I don't know how long I can."

It's like a quarter to three and I just can't sleep, cause I'm thinking of you, and all those times we cried. Did we really try? Now I'm dreaming in blue. No matter where we say goodbye, I tell you baby, keep your head high. I'll wait for love. I'll wait for you. I'll wait for love. I'll wait, will you? When times are hard, I'll think of you. I'll wait for love.

Everyone is taught to look both ways before crossing the street and to talk quietly in the library. But no one ever learns anything that matters, like how to keep breathing when your heart breaks in half.

If you give this one more shot, I'll make it up in every way. I'll call you twice a day and drive you to the airport just so I can watch you leave... even if you're leaving me.

Losing your first real love, it’s like waking up from an overdose and realizing that you’re still alive.

Each night I put my head to my pillow. I try to tell myself I’m strong because I’ve gone one more day without you\

Just enjoy yourself and enjoy life and let him come to you.

I loved him. He needed time to think and that was ok- he was worth waiting for... and waiting for... and waiting for. Finally I realized I had waited away my life for an answer he had already given me: If he loved me back, I would not have had to wait.

Everyday for the rest of my life I will search for moments full of you.

It was love, wasn't it?

This is how it works, you're young until you're not, you love until you don't, you try until you can't, you laugh until you cry, you cry until you laugh and everyone must breathe until their dying breath. No, this is how it works. You peer inside yourself, you take the things you like and try to love the things you took and then you take that love you made and stick it into someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood and walking arm in arm. You hope it don't get harmed, but even if it does, you'll just do it all again.

 

I hope you find out what you want; I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again and you can tell me how vile I already know I am.

I always fall in love with an open door,
with a horizon on an endless sea.

 

"And at some point I’ll call you and tell you I miss you. And tell you, you are the point of my day. And my face will get flushed and my throat will choke up when you tell me that you feel the same."

I want to know what you see when you look at me.”
His fingers dug into my shoulders.
“I want to know your favorite Stooge and the hour you were born
and the thing that scares you more than anything else in the world.
I want to be there when you wake up.
-Jodi Picoult

and its still out of my reach
and you're still all of the things that i want in my life

"Yes, I’m drunk. And you’re beautiful.
And tomorrow morning, I’ll be sober but you’ll still be beautiful"

"Just once I want to fall in love and not have it hurt so bad in the end.
Actually can I just have a love that doesn't end?
Or is there no such thing?"
-Allison Mosher

I don't want to get over you. I guess I could take a sleeping pill and sleep at will, and not have to go through what I go through. I guess I should take Prozac, right, and just smile all night at somebody new. Somebody not too bright but sweet and kind, who would try to get you off my mind. I could leave this agony behind, which is just what I'd do if I wanted to but I don't want to get over you.

I wanted to be the person he told things to. I wanted him to think I was pretty, I wanted him to be reminded of me by stuff I liked-- pistachios and hooded sweatshirts and the Dylan song "Girl from the North Country"-- and I wanted him to miss me when we were apart. I wanted him to feel, when we were lying in bed together, like he couldn't imagine anywhere better.
-Curtis Sittenfield, Prep

and you, maybe you'll remember me,
What i gave is yours to keep.

take for who I am,
not for who I've been

When you love someone, it will always stay there. I have to believe that even though we go our separate ways, we still will be connected by this bond, forever. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I know it’s a true thing. I know that no matter where you go or who it’s with, we will always be connected. And when we look up at the stars, when we know it was real, and it was why we’re who we are.

I won’t fight to stay when all you want for me to do is leave. I’m not gonna miss you when you don’t miss me. I’m not gonna care when you don’t at all. I’m just not going to try anymore. You’ve kept my hopes up for much too long; it’s about time they come crashing back down to earth. It’s time I start thinking about myself again and not you. It’s time I be strong. It’s time I let you go. It’s about time I be happy. It’s about time I leave you alone.

I’ve accepted that we can’t be but I’ve also accepted that you’re going to be that one person I carry with me for the rest of my life, the one who is always going to make my heart jump a little and my stomach tie up in knots

 I remember when I was love sick. You block out everyone. You feel so tired, because you haven't slept in forever. You know he'll be in your dreams but you don't want to stay awake laying in your bed crying either. You're starving, but you can't eat because you're starving for him and every memory just leaves you with a bigger hole in your heart. Even your clothes reminds you of him, what you wore when you hung out. You can still smell them all over him, even though his scent hasn't been there for long. You wish his scent would be stuck on you, but you know you'd be pulling at your skin trying to get him off you. You're online, he signs on, and you want to scream at him to go away, but you just watch the screen waiting for him to say anything, but then he signs off, and you tear yourself apart for not saying anything to him. You stop talking to your friends, and they get worried and try comforting you, but they just make you feel worse because they think they know, but they don't have a damn clue.

Wake up. Get out of bed and stop hiding under the duvet, no matter how warm it is. You will get nothing accomplished. Put some clothes on. Wear the red tights with the mustard yellow shoes. Arrange the 3 day old curls in your hair. Do something nice for yourself today. Get pretty for absolutely no reason other than to prove to yourself that you're not worthless and sloven. Go to your favorite record store and listen to the old man's playlist that usually consists of Howlin' Wolf and strange 60s Middle Eastern music. Buy yourself your favorite garlic and tomato burrito, and make sure you get extra guacamole. Drive past Emily Dickinson's house and imagine the lack of life she had. Spend the extra money on your favorite art magazine and plan a trip to Sweden in your head. Sing your favorite songs in your car. Make a pit stop to the reservoir. Collect the last leaves from autumn. Watch the sun sink into the horizon. Don't stare at your phone and wait for it to vibrate. Don't mope. Don't think about the only men in your life that have belittled you this week. Don't sit. Don't wait. Don't look at the time that you've always set to three hours behind. Don't delay your life even though someone has attempted to delay yours.

"i'm doing fine. just sometimes i think of you, like when i roll over and you're not there, or a stranger's hand brushes mine, or a fleeting memory photographed in my mind pops up. those are the worst. that's when i can smell you, feel you. it's crippling, really. but i'm fine"

When you truly care for someone, you don't look for faults. You don't look for answers. You don't look for mistakes. Instead, you fight the mistakes. You accept the faults and you overlook excuses. The measure of love is when you love without measure. There are rare chances that you'll meet the person you love and who loves you in return. So once you have it, don't let it go. The chance may never come your way again.

"with every loss, you'll find a gain"

you’ve made a lasting impression, i hope you know. but don’t take it personally when i tell you, you need to leave. You need to go and just get out of my head, out of my heart. because as far as i’m concerned you’re the only one who's ever been there, the only one who's stayed and ever will be staying. no matter how hard i try, i can’t deny this- you've always had my heart, even when you didn’t want it, or when i didn’t want you to have it. it’s been yours, and always will be. take it or leave it.

"i really just want to give up, and go under the covers in my bed, then wake up and you be there,with everything back to the way it was."

"everything we had is no longer there."

i just wish i could start a relationship about twelve years in, when you really don't have to try anymore. & you can just sit around & just goof on tv shows & then go to bed without anybody trying any funny business.

"i promise that one day, everything is going to be better for you."

I realize now you weren't strong enough to pull yourself out of the haze you fell into. There were days when I would have given anything for you to have just acknowledged the fact that I was alive, the fact that you were alive. I didn't need you to laugh or to talk or to even get out of bed. No, I just needed proof that your soul was still buried somewhere underneath all that darkness. But you were nothing more than an abandoned hermit shell, hollowed of all self presence. You had fled the shore seeking different shelter from all the demons you'd yet to face. You'd deserted your body which was now an empty vessel of your self worth, and somehow, you managed to destroy everything you left behind, including me. Yet, despite all this, I can't be angry with you. Because although I always said you chose the coward's way out, you never did claim to be brave.
^perfect.

You were everything that's bad for me, make no apologies. I’m crushed, black and blue, but you know,
I’d do it all again for you.

You love until you don't.
You try until you can't.

I'm a lover and a fighter. I get angry easily, but I'm working on it. I party, sleep and think too much, but I get my shit done. I have a weakness for sweet talkers, but I'm learning and enforcing my boundaries. I don't let many people in, but once they're in, they're there forever. I'm strong and independent and I've been broken, but never shattered.